New Beginnings

I am not one to typically write a post about the New Year or make an end of the year post, but I feel convicted to share the following:

When I look back at 2019, it really was an amazing year. We got married, bought a house, got a new dog, and had many other blessings along the way. Despite all of that, I was still missing something. I had pretty much everything I ever wanted, but I still felt empty.

In fact, I knew what I was missing. I even promised myself I would start working on it once we moved (I had been putting it off for a while for various reasons). I was missing a relationship with Christ and it was past failures, hurt, insecurities, fear of rejection, and feelings of unworthiness that were keeping from pursuing it.

“When I thought I lost me

You knew where I left me

You reintroduced me to Your love

You picked up all my pieces

Put me back together

You are the defender of my heart.”

It wasn’t until I wrote a blog post about all of these things that I was able to remove the shackles and move on. The post brought clarity, light, and truth. That I was worthy, that HE wanted me to have a relationship with him, that HE loved me right where I was at, and that HE had never left me. My life forever changed that day.

It wasn’t that my circumstances changed. In fact situations in my life actually got worse after that point. My circumstances didn’t change, but how I viewed them did. I abandoned my plans for HIS plans and started trusting him. I surrendered and gave up control. I had held on to control for so long because I thought I needed it, and when I let go, it was nothing but absolutely liberating. I started believing that my suffering had a purpose, even when it seemed never ending. I prayed frequently, worshipped often, confided in people that had been placed in my life, and found a home in my church. Even in the worst days, I was able to find light. I’m not going to sit here and pretend that I handled everything or every moment completely gracefully, because I didn’t and my situations still got to me at times. However, I knew HE was always there and that HE never left me; and that brought me immeasurable peace and comfort. “Even when I don’t see it, You’re working

Even when I don’t feel it, You’re working

You never stop, You never stop working.”

It wasn’t until months later that I was able to look back and see how everything had been so perfectly pieced together….HIS plan had been perfect. The suffering I had experienced led me to have an open mind towards new opportunities. I also felt convicted to share pieces of my story, some of which was completely unrelated, but opened my eyes to where my heart was at and what I truly desired. Then I was met with an unexpected opportunity, which God knew that I needed to go through the previous steps and suffering to be open to. Then I leaped completely in to the new opportunity. And now here I am…today was my last day at my current job. Today I leave behind the security and the comfort of what I have known to venture into something new and to serve people that I feel called to serve and to use skills I haven’t been able to use. It is scary but I trust that this is HIS plan. HE orchestrated all of this and HE deserves all of the glory. I am merely a vessel for his work.

I am nothing special. He uses all of us when we invite him in and let him. It is never too late. He will never stop pursuing us and giving us opportunities to have a relationship with him and to spread HIS good news and love. I missed the boat numerous times (even willingly) and passed up millions of chances. But he still pursued me and here I stand….changed, saved, redeeemed, and forever grateful.

“God’s not done with you

Even with your broken heart and your wounds and your scars

God’s not done with you

Even when you’re lost and it’s hard and you’re falling apart

God’s not done with you.”

#thisismystory #HElives #newstart #livingforhim